Friday, April 17, 2009

Missing Him

So here I sit. Eyes filled with tears and my throat has a huge knot in it. I just got off the phone with James. I got a new webcam, so we talked on the phone while he got the treat of seeing us at the same time. It was the first time he got to see his baby walk. Just thinking about that makes my eyes fill up again.
15 months... I repeat that to myself often. It's hard not to be bitter. I have to remind myself that we knew this was a possibility when he enlisted but still the bitterness is there. I envy those wives who get to complain about their husbands. Who get to fight with them. Who slam down the phone in a tantrum and are able to call him back afterward. Who couldn't sleep last night because he was snoring. Who has to pick up his shoes from the living room floor. Who has to put down the toilet seat. All of the things that are taken for granted. All the things that I took for granted. Something as little as sitting next to him on the couch. I miss all the little things.
He loaded some new pictures of himself today. Seeing them makes me wonder what goes through his mind. What little things he misses. Plumbing? Comforting his boys when they cry? His comfy couch? The sound of the dog, snoring at night? A home cooked meal? A chance to be, "Alone?" Taking a long hot shower? The smell of his wife's perfume? Kissing his boys goodnight? I'm sure he misses all of these things. In a strange way it helps me get through each day, because no matter how hard I think I've got it, I'm reminded that he's got it even worse. With that in mind I know that a part of him depends on us to be his sense of normalcy. To remind him that he's not just some random soldier but that he's the most important soldier in OUR lives. That he has a life here waiting for him.


Lover of Life said...

You are a very wise woman. Holding the "normalcy" for him is exactly what he needs. To know he has you and your children to come home to, keeps him okay. I pray he comes home safe and sound and SOON! He is in my heart and prayers and so are you ad the boys.

They are adorable, by the way! :-)

Mrs. Furtick said...

gosh I hate crying. Thanks. LOL WOW though, that is awfully good. I think about wives that get to fight with their husbands and it makes me think about why I would ever fight with Preston. I know that he isn't gone as long as James, but none the less. I have done many things in my life but this is by far the hardest thing I have ever done! I have friends tell me that it must be so hard and that they couldn't do it....well we don't really have a choice, we just have to deal with it. I'm glad that you got to see James yesterday. That is really special. I saw Preston once for a couple seconds because the webcam kept messing up. He has the day off today and said that he will get on so I can see him though. I'm very excited about that. Thanks for putting into words everything that I feel on a daily basis. Love you girl!!!

MoMo sprnany said...

Wow...thanks for making a fat girl cry! lol! Thank you for putting all the little unimportant stuff into perspective! You all are always in our thoughts and hearts! All our love to you all!

Tara said...

I cried too....=0( And imust admit i am one of those that take my "little things" for granted
=0( You and your family are in my prayers and i just want you to know i think your an amazing person Lisa. Your soooo strong! Stronger than i could hope to be. Hang in there ( i know its easier said than done, but i dont know what else to say =0(

love ya!