So here I sit. Eyes filled with tears and my throat has a huge knot in it. I just got off the phone with James. I got a new webcam, so we talked on the phone while he got the treat of seeing us at the same time. It was the first time he got to see his baby walk. Just thinking about that makes my eyes fill up again.
15 months... I repeat that to myself often. It's hard not to be bitter. I have to remind myself that we knew this was a possibility when he enlisted but still the bitterness is there. I envy those wives who get to complain about their husbands. Who get to fight with them. Who slam down the phone in a tantrum and are able to call him back afterward. Who couldn't sleep last night because he was snoring. Who has to pick up his shoes from the living room floor. Who has to put down the toilet seat. All of the things that are taken for granted. All the things that I took for granted. Something as little as sitting next to him on the couch. I miss all the little things.
He loaded some new pictures of himself today. Seeing them makes me wonder what goes through his mind. What little things he misses. Plumbing? Comforting his boys when they cry? His comfy couch? The sound of the dog, snoring at night? A home cooked meal? A chance to be, "Alone?" Taking a long hot shower? The smell of his wife's perfume? Kissing his boys goodnight? I'm sure he misses all of these things. In a strange way it helps me get through each day, because no matter how hard I think I've got it, I'm reminded that he's got it even worse. With that in mind I know that a part of him depends on us to be his sense of normalcy. To remind him that he's not just some random soldier but that he's the most important soldier in OUR lives. That he has a life here waiting for him.
Update for Monday, August 21, 2017
12 hours ago